la vagabond

 Mail drops! Send me something while I'm on the trip! Leave me your mailing address and I'll send you something too!

Mail Drop from June 14--June 23 (We pass through here June 25-27)

Rider's name here
C/O Jess Arnett
1124 Treat Avenue
San Francisco, CA 94110

Mail Drop from June 27-July 11 (we get here July 11).

Rider's name here
C/O Jan & Ed Riel
4615 Larkspur St.
San Diego, Ca 92107

 Hey everybody!
 It's kinda hard finding internet access, so sorry about the lack of updates, although I've fallen out of the habit of posting on lj regularly a long time ago so really there isn't much of a difference. If you are interested in regular posts though, my group has a blog in which one of the riders takes turns updating whenever we can. There are pictures posted, and even links to a couple video blogs! So check it out: www.globalafc.org/blog/ . D'ere you go!

HEY

I'm biking to Mexico tomorrow, eh

 My toes have decided to leave me
I couldn't convince them to stay.
I begged and begged, but they just claimed
that things would return the same way.

Having enough of being stuffed in socks,
and scalded when testing hot baths.
Always the first to get cold, and some days grow mould,
they were jealous of my warm calves.

So now I've lost my best support,
for my toes were gone when I woke today.
I can hardly walk nor stand upright,
So for their neglect I shall dearly pay.

The rest of me, since my toes have left,
feeling likewise maltreated, all now protest.
And although I try to keep things right,
I now wonder which part will leave next.

There's this antique clock on my fire mantle that hasn't worked in 30 years. It's a really pretty clock, so it I suppose it's still there to function more as a decoration than a time-telling operatus. Apparently when the clock used to work, my dad would have to wind it twice a day, but then after a year of faithful service it died on us and refused to work again. My mom brought it to various specialists to try and get it fixed, but alas, the clock's time had come and we were too late.

Last Wednesday, March 5th, I was on the computer when I heard a strange ringing coming from the living room. If you have any sense of plot continuity, then telling you that the ringing was the clock won't surprise you. Anyway, I was amazed because I'd never seen it do anything before, and I automatically questioned my brother what he did, but he was just as confused as I was. The day after, on Thursday, I found out that my grandpa had passed away on the Wednesday which I had heard the clock. Me and my brother were the only ones home these past couple weeks, and although my brother is technically savvy, it'd be a really big coincidence for him to choose to fiddle around with the clock my grandpa dies. Moreover, we went up to Cambridge for the entire weekend to go to a funeral, so absolutely no one was in the house for three whole days, and when we returned the clock was still ringing. A broken clock that, when it did work, required to be wound twice every day.

My mom and aunts attribute the working clock to my grandpas doing. He used to wind the clock at his house in Cambridge all the time, so it's an appropriate connection. 

I don't know what to make of this.

 

It feels like my brain is rotting inside of my skull. I find it hard to write under these conditions.

I was reflecting on my life and habitual lack of motivation and directionless quality of study I'm pursuing, and decided that before completing another year of half-assed assignments, that I should step back and reaccess exactly what I'm doing with myself. And what a better way to do this than in a simple list-format portraying my current goals. And that is how I came up with the following:

Current Goals
1. Develop a more meaningful relationship with my cat
    Plan of action:  
a) Devote 30 minutes of quality play time every evening
b) Make myself more accessible by leaving my bedroom door open every night

2. Become more regular by increasing my fiber intake
   Plan of action:
a) Eat all-bran every morning before school.
b) Pack raisin bran muffins for snack times

Life Goals
Current catergory is: blank.
Sorry, no information is available at the moment. Please return at a later date.


I believe if I follow through on this, I should be happier and healthier within a month.

 

I began last week feeling awesome. On Monday I ran into a friend on campus and he ended up treating me for lunch, which is a pretty good day in itself. While we were sitting in the residence dining hall, we ended up being surrounded by his residence friends who sat down and ate with us. We went through the whole meet and greet ritual, complete with the exchange of names and majors. I always feel like a fool whenever someone asks me what I'm studying because it forces me to realize I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm always tempted to lie and say engineering since it's such a straight forward answer that doesnt need to be explained. But since I'm not normally a liar, I usually find myself instead mumbling a half-assed response. But, last week, when the anticpated question arose, I gave an answer that I've never actually given before. And it actually felt right. I said I wanted to be an artist and a writer. Simple and vague, but for once, I finally felt like I knew what I was doing.

I discovered the visual studies programme at UofT, and I think this is what prompted me to reply like that (since I was technically studying art). And out of all the masses of random courses that I seem to engage myself in, art was the only one that I actually believed in and felt confident enough to mention to these new students I had met. Which was an amazing realisation for me.

So I spent all of Monday thinking this over and feeling good that I actually had direction in my life and in my studies. I felt really really good. It was an amazing relief, and I was so excited for the upcoming year to happen because my studies now had purpose. Although art is a pretty vague career concept, at least it was something I knew that I was passionate about.

Then, on Tuesday, I come home from school to find an opened letter on the counter addressed from the registrar's office. It said that I had been deregistered out of all my courses since I hadn't paid my tuition in time. I was surprised and called them right away to find out what to do. It didn't hit me until later that, since I was taken off the course lists for all my classes, any of my classes which had had a waiting list I would ultimately not be able to get back into. And, as fate has it, Ithere were long waiting lists for two of my classes; both of them my favourites, both of them art. I lost the one thing that I had felt so confident the day before about. And with those losses, I became lost once again as well.

I hate this feeling; I feel so ridiculously useless and small. I used to be so driven and motivated, and it seems that the fire that used to be there has been suffocating inside of me and is now just ashes at the pit of my stomache. I can only 'suck it up' and 'go with the flow' for so long until I find myself stopping and questioning what the hell I'm doing. All I want is either to stop going blindly into the future, or at least to go blindly into the future with certainty. I can't stand whatever limbo I'm in now.

I didn't really have an interesting day today since I was restricted to the inner confines of my house. But I was in mild crippling pain for most of it, which explains why I remained indoors. My ankle has been swollen since yesterday and I can't figure out why. It might have to do with something that happened on St. Patty's day seeing how that could be the only causal event. Other than that, my back has decided to revolt against me. I can't walk straight; and by walk straight, I'm refering to the posture. I'm very good at sitting, but when I want to stand up and relocate my body via my legs, I basically have to keep the same perpendicular leg and torso angle I have when sitting. If I try and straighten out, my back jerks forward or backward uncontrollably and it is accompanied with stinging pain. Combined with my swollen ankle, which causes me to limp, I must be a pretty entertaining sight. If I show up staggering around the campus tomorrow, I will definetly be followed by many stares. But nobody would know who I was anyway since my face is to the ground!

wow, so unbelievably off.

Your Birthdate: September 8

Watch out Donald Trump! You've got a head for business and money. You'll make it rich some day, even if you haven't figured out how yet. A supreme individualist, you shouldn't get stuck in a corporate job. Instead, make your own way - so that you can be the boss. Your strength: Your undying determination Your weakness: You require an opulent lifestyle Your power color: Plum

Your power symbol: Dollar sign Your power month: August

.

Today was my little brother's sweet sixteen birthday, so Jeremy came over for dinner. And he brought a girl! So Jonny ended up getting cool presents from him so that Jeremy could show off how generous he is to his siblings. So lucky. I want to be used like that, (if it involves getting things). The girl is in a band called cj sleez. Anybody a fan?

                                        Everywhere
they are talking relationships
and not having them, having them and not
liking them. Everywhere they are using
the dirty word. Relation ships us all off
to lonely places. In love - no one is in love;
they're working at the thing, committing, cementing,
forming attachments - it's all a bunch of
brickwork, constructing a sound relationship,
ironing out problems, breaking down barriers,
making a firm foundation, picking up the pieces
from a relationship. We are all frustrated masons.
Let's all build a good relationship and
crawl into it, let's all drag in ex-lovers
and bore each other to death, discussing it.
Let's discuss it and not do it, let's not and
say we did - let's be really careful about it so
a brick doesn't fall on our heads.

(excerpt from Relationships by Giorgio)

and another one...

Brain Litany: Or, Overlooking the Existential Factor
http://rpo.library.utoronto.ca/poem/2908.html

and apparently I don't know how to add links. But, I think it's worth the additional effort of copying and pasting into the address bar. SO DO IT. Right now I'm (wasting time)OR (spending my time wisely)OR ( undecided) until band practise where, after 3.5 hours, I will be cuddled at home waiting for the morning to come.

I would like to live
under blankets forever.
You can come with me.

I feel as if I should write something about Christmas. I suppose it was enjoyable despite the lack of tradition... that nostalgia-rendering tradition that warms the heart and makes you feel like a child again. Present-wise it was good. There was a large assortment of newspaper-wrapped gifts piled high in the middle of the living room under the non existant tree. The majority of these were from my mom, and the majority of mom gifts were random items found around the house that she decided to wrap up and assign to someone. The series of presents shaped mysteriously like pill bottles, addressed to each of her children, turned out to be vitamen C. More examples of her holiday generosity include bars of deorderant from the closet, a ball of string, an opened package of rubber gloves, as well as some greens powder for Jonny that had been 'hidden' in the kitchen cupboard for the past couple months.

I don't really want to continue talking about crappy gifts, but good gifts are funner to show off then reffer to. And this part is humorous. She got both my brothers those cheap personalized pens. So Jeremy now has his fancy Jeremy pen to go along with his fancy business meetings, and Jonny has his "Zach" pen because my mom vehemently claimed that the store had run out of Jonathan pens and all versions of that name, so she opted for his middle name. And then I have a 'Molly' pen, but she hasnt given it to me yet. And my middle names are Jennifer and Zoe. (I know those are pretty boring details, but they're more of a literary device to lure you into a state of mindlessness so you'll be easily impressed by what comes next). My broke aunt even got us things, which was really nice of her. My brother got juice for his gout, and I got hairpins for my stupid hair length. Then when Jonny unwrapped his gift from her he had got a Jonathan pen! Which was pretty funny. My aunt outdid my mom on the whole pen thing. yeh...

It's nice when your parents give you comparable gifts because then it's easier to judge which child they love more. Last year, I got an ipod shuffle from my mom while I was in Katimavik, which I was really happy about. And then when my family came to visit me, my brother showed off his ipod that mom had bought him as well, except his ipod was the latest and most expensive version which was triple the value of what she gave me.

If this post gets any longer, no one will read it. SO s'long.

Sitting attablé, at the morning counter,
sun breaking the dewy icicles of sleepless
grass,
you would watch the world through windows

And I, hands wrapped tight
against the warmth of a mug,
misting coffee still resting on the tongue,

I would hold you
in my eyes, and savour
the simple touches of ceramic

Which continue to hold
heat long after
all liquid
is gone

Step 1: Put your iTunes or equivalent on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 30 songs that play
Step 3: Bold the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 4: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine (or my archives) is CHEATING!
Step 5: ?????
Step 6: PROFIT!


1. that girl thinks she's the queen of the neighbourhood
2. I want a new drug, one that won't make me sick
3. how will I ever know you enough to love you
4. I am waiting until i don't know when
5. let me tell y'all what it's like being male, middle class and white
6. At first I told myself, I need my head inspected
7. I know that it is freezing but I think we have to walk
8. Complacent, You're growing complacent
9. Don't tell me you don't know me
10. well you worry in case it ain't technique but size
11. I lick my brain in silence
12. ambling madly all over the town
13. come on, come out of the rain, You're not oppressed you're just too learned
14. naananana help me get out of this place soon
15. Whatsoever I've feared has come to life
16. everybody sees me but it's not that easy
17. Pack up what you own and you dial up who you can phone
18. everybody would say believing is art
19. Sitting alone in the den watching the eel
20. There's a stain on my notebook where your coffee cup was
21. It's getting dark too soon, a threatening silence
22. I'm sailing away from my one true love
23. Got a 3 speed and banana seat
24. we are the youth, we'll take your fascism away
25. cross the street from your storefront cemetary
26. There's a random painted highway And a muzzle of bees
27. gray no petals no introduction
28. She woke from a dream, her head was on fire
29. Said you hate the sound of the buses on the ground
30. 12 inches per foot

if you want a broken plasma tv, for whatever malicious purposes, call me! or better yet, come over without warning and steal it. Try to do so today asap.